My Gift to You

Designers, gather 'round.
For your next assignment, I'd like for you to fabricate One Big Break for me. Think big. Think high-rise 5-star hotel room with room service. Conceptualize peace and quiet. Visualize a beautiful view, a t.v. that actually tunes into adult material, and crisp, clean ironed sheets. Imagine staff that cleans before and after me. Don't forget the details like the trusted wet nurse/nanny that will need to handle the home during my absence. Budget? Who cares at this point, just go. Start sketching now. I'll be making the puppet talk for my 3 year old until your task is complete. Please make sure this is executed within a reasonable timeframe, or the puppet gets it. I will seriously auf him.
Incisors:
Sharp enough to scrape the scrumptious chocolate circle off of the top. Nothing loose. Perfectly straight first scrape. (Dr. Toffifay dabbles a little in orthodontia as well.)
Canines and Bicuspids:
Bite is nice and even. No sensitivity to sugar. And no sensitivity to cold, either (per refrigerated version).
Back molars:
Grind and chew hazelnut nicely. Don't chip or break.
Gums:
They're still there holding my teeth in, they must be ok.
New Toothbrush:Didn't come with either package, but with Mr. Toffifay's prices, who cares.
Final Result:
Satisfied patient. Satisfied checkbook.
Parents have to be creative when they must do without certain things....in this instance......dental insurance. We do pony it up and take Mr. Preschool to a Pediatric Dentist for check-ups. I go to Walmart, aisle 15. And even though our female dentist is a drop-dead gorgeous knockout, Mr. Husband just quit going. Now that's love.
Three Weeks Later:
This is my small cross-stitch project, my beautiful work in process. Notice how deftly I removed the supplies from the bag. Notice that I have not yet made one mistake. Not one. It is pure perfection. You can't criticize any of my stitching, can you? Aaaaah. Perhaps it is so incredibly fault-free that I should just stop here. Why mess with perfection?
You envy me, no? You so want to hire me for your home craft projects, I can sense it. And if you have seen my previous artwork in MS Paint, I'm sure that you want to hire me as a graphics artist as well.
Sorry, I'm busy for the next 18 years, at least. It's a shame, I know. There, there. Don't cry.