Mommies Who Cheat
A revelation of sorts has finally hit me. I now know why I am no contender at all whatsoever in the unofficial contest to be the most efficient, most interesting, most rambunctious, most talented, most domestic, most creative, most mostest of the mostest of the Mommies in my corner of the universe. It's because I don't like coffee!!! Yeah, that's it!
Mommies who like-a-the-java are the ones who, with an "it's nothing" wave of their hands, announce that they make a list of things to do at 6:30 a.m., after their showers, while they're having their first Cup o' Joe. What? What the hell are they doing up that early, and is that how they get a shower in the first place? So that's how they look so damned crisp and clean, with their ironed cotton shirts, etc. They are on something! Yeah, that's it! I'd get up at 6:00 a.m. too if I could get a fix like that.
Me? I do this Mommy thing without performance enhancing drugs. I'm clean, ya'll. So there. At the end of the race, you perky Moms would test positive for cheating. I reign supreme. Yes, me dragging myself around all day on my other two feet......my top lip and my bottom lip.....I win! Even if by default, I'm doing it "Honest Abe" here, and that's what I plan to teach my children. What are you teaching yours, you violators of decency? Humph.
Oh, and the amount of caffeinated soda that I drink daily? Well, that just doesn't count.
Mommies who like-a-the-java are the ones who, with an "it's nothing" wave of their hands, announce that they make a list of things to do at 6:30 a.m., after their showers, while they're having their first Cup o' Joe. What? What the hell are they doing up that early, and is that how they get a shower in the first place? So that's how they look so damned crisp and clean, with their ironed cotton shirts, etc. They are on something! Yeah, that's it! I'd get up at 6:00 a.m. too if I could get a fix like that.
Me? I do this Mommy thing without performance enhancing drugs. I'm clean, ya'll. So there. At the end of the race, you perky Moms would test positive for cheating. I reign supreme. Yes, me dragging myself around all day on my other two feet......my top lip and my bottom lip.....I win! Even if by default, I'm doing it "Honest Abe" here, and that's what I plan to teach my children. What are you teaching yours, you violators of decency? Humph.
Oh, and the amount of caffeinated soda that I drink daily? Well, that just doesn't count.
posted by Mrs. Oblivious at 9:42 PM
8 Comments:
No kidding...HAHAHAHA! I have to admit, I occasionally cheat somewhat, no shower and ironed shirt by 6:30 though. But I sometimes do go get a fix, and the drivethru is always a mile long! Addiction, it's a killer.
HA! Busted. Only the strong can withstand the coffee buzz. Amateur...
Coffee? Hmm... so that is how THOSE (with eyesbrows raised) mothers do it. I'm with you - lists and ironing before children awake BE DAMNED!
6:30? whatever!
i have better things to do at that god forsaken hour- like sleep!
and yea, let's not count those Dr. Peppers. nope. uh-uh. not a one.
Yeah right.....Im sure you are up with the best of them.....you must be to have time to write such fab blogs!!!
I too hate coffee and tea, yep but diet coke is a must!! Maybe I need another bucket load this morning to keep up with you super mums!
Coffee with a hint of crack on the side, that's what gets me goin' to be SuperMom every morning. NOT!
"Performance enhancing drugs" - that's awesome.
Yes, I'll admit it. I'm an addict. I can't compete without it.
Only *I* know better of you ;)
Miss you on LJ. I keep forgetting about this journal of yours :(
~A
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