Christmas to Halloween Dictionary

Merry Christmas! ------------------ Happy Halloween!

Bah Humbug! ------------------ Boo!

Meet me under the mistletoe. ------------------ I want to drink your blood.

Dear Santa, ------------------Trick-or-Treat!

In the spirit of Christmas ------------------ Spooktacular

The ghosts of Chistmas past, present, and future. ------------------ Ghosts!!!!

Christmas credit card debt is a bloodsucker. ------------------ Dracula is a bloodsucker.

This textbook is dedicated to Mr. Preschool, who morphed into an Elf for Halloween. The prototype of this final work was very, very useful as we conversed with the ghouls and goblins.

Come Home a Hero

Wanna be a hero? You, too can become one. For the mere cost of a dozen halloween-decorated cupcakes (non peanut variety), you can come home a hero*! Just stop by your choice of grocer's bakery on the way home, and this hero worship can be yours! And if you act now, as an added bonus, you can sleep-in a little later tomorrow instead of taking Superhero, Jr. to school.

*Offer null and void to those who already live in the State of Heroism. This includes you, Honey.



(This message is for Mr. Husband, who for some sick reason, enjoys reading my blog.)

Mistakes

How I never make any:




I'm a celebrity, of course!

My thanks to all of the little people........the air-brushers, the editors, the directors, the publicists. Mwah, mwah, mwah! You know I love you almost as much as my little dog, Toto.

Next stop, my own special spot on The Hollywood Walk of Fame. Hope to see you there! (That is, if you have the right connections.)

MWAH!

My Family Portrait

(Compliments of South Park.)

Want yours?

Go Here.

The Surgeon General Needs Revamping

The Surgeon General needs some assistance, because too many people don't listen to him, or at least to their own damned common sense. Let me try:




Perhaps Taco Bell should start writing warning labels on those boxes of rolled-up skank like they do on their sauce packets. Perhaps people would read them then.

Tossing out some more things to ponder.........
"Smoke" rhymes with "choke" for a reason.
There is no tobacco-flavored toothpaste on the market.
There is no carpet deodorizer scented with "stale nicotine".
You don't buy tooth whitener in shade "stained ick blech".
If you're pissed-off at your tax rate, then don't. buy. cigarettes. DUH!

Temptation

Say something stupid, k?

No, don't! Don't say it! Make a conscientious effort to sound intelligent.

Say something charming.

Say something really atrocious. Don't believe in that whole "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything" crap!!

Excuse me, Lucifer, I really like what you've done with that pitchfork. Is it crimson or velvet red?

Don't stick your foot in your mouth again today, ok sweetie? Really think about what you're going to say before you say it.

If it crosses your mind, spill it.

Hmmmmm. Let's check-in to see who's winning this one.

*

* Where this asterisk will appear, I don't know. How to get the red font to read more clearly, I don't give a damn anymore since Blogger doesn't either and won't let me fix it.

Listen..........

*Knock-Knock*

Did you hear that?





*Knock-Knock*

Did you hear that?






*Knock-Knock-Knock*

Didn't you hear that?!

Wasn't that Ed McMahon's voice I heard behind that door, wasn't that his distinct knock?$?$?$?$!!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't you hear the balloons bopping against each other and a camera crew whispering and a large cardboard check made out to me flapping in the wind?

No? You didn't hear that, honestly?



Rats. I guess you really don't win if you don't enter.

Ed won't be getting any fan mail from me. Jerk.