I Can't Pee Without You

I can't pee without you.
Can't pee without you.
Or use a tampon.
Or wipe my sweet tush.
Or shower and shave
Past 3 minutes straight
Without you.

Because............you sound like Cujo, a big FWOMP of a bloody St. Bernard bashing his head against the bathroom door if I try to shut it and try to pee without you. Both of you. And neither of you can possibly have rabies because I practice staunch immunization of my kids.

I'm calling Parent Protective Services.

What, they don't have Protective Services for parents? That is just wrong.